


To what it once was

by baeconandeggs, Supreme_Overlord



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: BAE2018, Infidelity, M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 01:26:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14660456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supreme_Overlord/pseuds/Supreme_Overlord
Summary: Chanyeol didn’t think his mistake would have this much consequence as he lay alone in bed, crying for his husband.





	To what it once was

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** 508
> 
>  
> 
> **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
>  
> 
>  **Author's Note:** Dear Prompter, I sincerely hope this is what you were asking for. I tried my best to stay inside the line and not stray too much. My Betas M and G, thank you for giving me ideas when my head was empty and especially G, this wouldn’t have turned out like this without your patience and amazing beta-ing skills. Also dear Mods, I’ve learned a lot while participating in this fest and thank you for organizing it. Last but not least, to anyone who may be reading this fic, thank you and I hope you enjoy it.  
>  **Songs used in this fic:**  
>  Elton John - Original Sin  
> Eru - Black Glasses
> 
> Important:- Since I've had experience with plagiarism accusation (?) with this fic, I've edited the parts with the permission from the Mods. I will not explain myself but i want to clarify that It wasn't my intention and I'm sorry if I offended anyone. And dear reader, please if you see any similarities with other Fics, I hope you'll have the decency to tell me in private first instead of making a public statement. You can contact me @Chanbaekish on Twitter.  
> Thank you for your time.

Baekhyun didn’t know how long he had been staring at the ceiling. Two hours? Fifteen minutes? Or was it an hour? He sighed and closed his eyes, bringing the comforter up to his chest. He looked around the room from their king size bed, tracing the soft sheets with his delicate fingers. Their room was luxurious, with modern decorations. The lamp on the bed side, the mahogany table pushed on the side with both their laptops and files in the drawers. But none of the expensive decorations could fill the hole in his heart. Because it was empty. He looked at the digital clock on their bedside, it was 11:45 and his husband was yet to be home.

They had barely communicated in the past few months as both were extremely busy with their respective jobs. Baekhyun was working as a junior editor in a famous publishing firm while Chanyeol was a CFO in a famous company. But that didn’t give Chanyeol the right to trample on his heart didn’t it? Baekhyun thought bitterly. The same person who had vowed to love and cherish him forever was breaking him into pieces. Because Byun Baekhyun was never strong enough. He lifted the sheets and laid on his side, the other side remained cold and uninhabited since the past four and half months, following the days after Chanyeol introduced Joohyun, his new co-worker, whom Chanyeol proclaimed as his first love to him when they were first dating. Maybe Chanyeol and her were fated in the first place because the same Joohyun appeared in their lives two years after they had gotten married, eight years after Chanyeol and her broke up. Maybe Chanyeol and him were never fated in the first place. He closed his eyes and tried to dream of a better tomorrow.

Baekhyun wasn’t stupid, he knew what his husband had been up to because he knew Chanyeol like the back of his hand. The way Chanyeol mumbled out half-ass excuses on why he couldn’t come home early at night, how his phone chimed indicating the incoming of texts after texts. Among all the things happening, one of the things Baekhyun found most off putting was Chanyeol often came home smelling like her. He loved Chanyeol’s earthy scent. It always made him feel at home but the flowery scent would often mask his husband’s natural scent, making his stomach churn with nausea. He had been trying for the past few weeks, trying to save the marriage that was slowing crumbling to pieces right in front of his eyes. He tried dressing up for Chanyeol, he made his favorite food, he tried to make his husband love him again. But Chanyeol always looked so detached, so distant that Baekhyun feared that their ship is already on the verge of sinking. There's no one to hold his hand and save him from drowning./p>

He was broken from his thoughts by a sound of footsteps on the hallway, firm and steady on the ground and then the door was opened, indicating that his husband was home. He got up from the bed and straightened the oversize Tee he was sporting, it was Chanyeol’s and he was wearing nothing underneath. He knew Chanyeol liked him like this. As soon as the taller walked in, Baekhyun walked towards his husband with a purpose, his strides seductive and confident, like a tiger prowling before its favorite prey. He quickly wrapped his arms around his tall husband’s neck before Chanyeol could ask him any question.

“You’re back”

He whispered and he didn’t miss the lust in his husband’s brown eyes as big hands were placed on his naked hips.

“Uhhh…Yea…”

Chanyeol answered lamely and before he could utter out another syllable, Baekhyun covered the taller’s lips with his and kissed him feverishly, pouring out all the love remaining in his broken heart. Chanyeol was quick to respond and Baekhyun felt himself being pushed down on the bed.

He tried not to cry as Chanyeol rocked inside him gently, kissing the skin his lips could reach. Baekhyun arched his back as Chanyeol hit his sweet spot. The taller grinned down at him and started going faster. They both lay on their bed, sated and tired after their intense love-making. Baekhyun turned to face his husband and traced a slender finger on Chanyeol’s nose. For some reason, he didn’t notice that Chanyeol wasn’t covered with that infuriating smell that night.

“I love you Yeol..”

He whispered and he meant it. With all his heart. Chanyeol grabbed his finger and placed a gentle kiss on it.

“I know…I love you too Baek”

Baekhyun fell asleep wishing Chanyeol really meant it too. Chanyeol stayed awake, his mind going haywire. He didn’t know what to do. During those times he wrapped his arms around Joohyun as their bodies melt into one another, touch burning with primal lust, he thought he was sure of his decision, that he was doing the right thing. But whenever he got home and saw his husband sleeping form on the couch, clearly waiting for his return while he fooled around and fuck another girl behind his back, the guilt weight over the lust he had for his affair. And especially when Baekhyun looked at him with such love in his eyes, his resolve would always crumble to pieces and he’d started doubting himself all over again. Was it going to be worth it? Will he be happy with Joohyun if he let Baekhyun go? Will Baekhyun be happy without him? Was everything going to be worth when Baekhyun finds out??? About his affair and the promise he made to Joohyun two weeks ago? He closed his eyes and pulled his husband closer because when the morning comes, things might not be the same anymore.

                                                                                =========================================

Baekhyun cursed himself as he forgot where he had placed the hard disk that contained one of the books he finished editing. He had to meet Kyungsoo at the office in an hour and yet here he was, still in his pajamas as he searched every nook and corner of their bedroom. He was too short to reach the top cabinet so he pulled a chair and climbed on it. As he rummaged through the stacks of papers and boxes there, he came across a brown envelope. Suddenly, a feeling of Déjà vu washed over him and with bated breath and shaky hands, he pulled out the contents after he climbed down from the chair. What he had been dreading came true as in his hands lay a paper with Chanyeol’s plead for divorce to him. There were no signatures yet, only both their names were written at the top.

This was worse than finding out Chanyeol was cheating. It was worse than Chanyeol lying to him. It felt like a stab to his chest not once not twice but a hundred times because Chanyeol had already decided. He had already decided when Baekhyun was throwing himself to him, to save the last bits of their marriage. He had already decided when Baekhyun was waiting like an obedient dog for him to come home. He had already decided when Baekhyun was trying, trying to make Chanyeol fall in love with him again. Heartbreak didn't sound poetic at all since he now experienced it forsthand. It was actual physical pain. He could feel the walls he had built up collapsing around him and the suffocation coming up his throat. His chest constricted and he heaved a breath as his whole body shook violently, the divorce paper in his hands as heartbreaking sobs echoed through the walls of their empty room.

When Kyungsoo saw him in the office, the evidence that he had been crying wasn’t missed by his best friend. But he simply brushed it off saying he wasn’t feeling well. He couldn’t involve his personal problems in a professional environment. He knew better than to do that. But Baekhyun also knew he had to sooner or later because he had no one else. So he dragged a reluctant Kyungsoo to a bar after their works were over. He cried when he told his best friend about his marriage crumbling into pieces.

“I’m going to kill him! Baek! I’m going to kill that bastard”

Kyungsoo hissed as he held Baekhyun tightly. But Baekhyun could feel his friend wiping his tears.

That night Baekhyun went home at one in the morning and Chanyeol was on the couch in the living room. Was he waiting for him? Baekhyun shook his head at the absurd thought. Why would Chanyeol wait for him?

“Where were you Baek?”

Chanyeol questioned as soon as Baekhyun walked into the living room.

“I was out drinking with Kyungsoo”

“Oh…”

“Go to sleep Yeol. I’ll take a quick shower and then I’ll join you”

Chanyeol didn’t miss the foreign tone in Baekhyun’s voice. He felt something churning in his gut when Baekhyun didn’t even spare him a glance more than a few seconds. The guilt weighed him down for being such a shitty husband to the smaller, for neglecting him for the past months, for fooling around with a woman behind his back. Chanyeol knew what he was doing was wrong. If Baekhyun was in his position, he would never do the same thing. Because Baekhyun’s love was real and unconditional and Chanyeol was sure he didn’t deserve it anymore. Not like this. But at the same time, he wouldn’t let Baekhyun go; he wouldn’t let him be the cost of his stupidity, his chase towards temporary happiness.Baekhyun was his husband and it should stay that way./p>

He was actually in the midst of trying to break things off with Joohyun.

When Baekhyun settled on the bed later, he couldn’t help but turn and kissed his husband on the mouth, his Chanyeol, the man he loved with all his heart. Chanyeol was surprised by the sudden kiss but was quick to respond his husband. His hand crept upwards, from tracing the skin on his arms, the side of his neck and finally settling on his nape as his tongue pushed inside the smaller’s cavern, licking and tasting the sweetness inside there. Baekhyun could feel his heart bursting from the intense kiss. It was as if every fibre inside him was coming to life as Chanyeol sucked on his tongue eliciting a moan from him. But the fuzzy feeling in his heart burnt instead when he smelled the familiar smell of that sweet, flowery perfume that had been one of the sources of his biggest nightmare lately. He pushed Chanyeol aside and shook his head.

“When are you going to file for the divorce?”

It came out so cold, so foreign from his mouth. Words he never thought he would say to his husband. Chanyeol was rendered speechless as he stared at Baekhyun with wide horrified eyes. The smaller chuckled but it sounded humorless even to his own ears.

“I know about your affair Chanyeol. And I've seen the divorce paper today. Maybe you should've let her keep it instead. That way I wouldn't have to find out like this. ”

“Listen Baek-“

Baekhyun shook his head.

“I don’t want to”

He shrugged out from Chanyeol’s hold and out from the duvet and sat on the bed.

“Baek…I wasn’t…I”

He said with shaky voice. He swatted away Chanyeol’s hands when they reach out for him. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to call out on Yeol and his affair. He didn’t want to feel like everything’s falling apart. He didn’t want to see the guilt in his husband’s eyes; he didn’t want to feel like the second choice.

“Baek…listen….everything was a mistake..”

“Mistake?”

He shrieked.

“What exactly Yeol? What's the mistake? The fact that you married me Instead of your first love?”

The tears came in full force, hot and unwanted as it fell down on his cheeks.

"You know what??? I don't want this anymore"

He croaked out as he covered his face with his hands..as if that was going to will the tears back where they belonged. He didn’t want to cry. At least not in front of Chanyeol who was the cause of it all. His breath was knocked out of his lungs when he was suddenly enveloped in a warm hug.

“Stop….Baek….Please stop”

Chanyeol rasped out but it fell on deaf ears when Baekhyun caught a whiff of the fucking infuriating perfume, making him nauseated and livid. He harshly pushed Chanyeol off of him.

"Even last week wasn't a business tripe wasn't it??. Fuck! How the fuck am I so stupid??!!!

He laughed like a maniac as his tear continued to stream down his cheeks.

“Baek…please..” Chanyeol pleaded and Baekhyun turned to look at him. Chanyeol was crying too.

“I still love the man who made me crazy with his quirks…who takes me on romantic vacations and takes care of things without being asked. And as much as I hate myself for it, I still love you. But you make me sick. I can’t see your face or hear your voice without feeling disgust. And for fuck sakes, I can still fucking smell her on you.”

And Baekhyun just couldn’t stop because he was hurting too much. This was the last time. He should draw the line here, the final straw. Chanyeol’s hands reached out for him again but Baekhyun backed away and shook his head.

“I can’t do this anymore Yeol”

“Baek please…I’m sorry…I’m sorry….Baek…I love you…I’m still in love with you..”

Baekhyun got up from the bed as he ignored Chanyeol’s cries and walked out of the room and locked himself in the guest room. That’s where he spent the night, cold and lonely.

He couldn’t sleep but he didn’t want to get up until Chanyeol leaves for work. After he deemed it was safe to go out, he quickly made his way towards their bedroom and stuffed some of his favorite clothes and necessities into a suitcase. As he zipped his suitcase, his eyes caught hold of the platinum band on his ring finger. It gleamed under the sunlight coming through the window, mocking him and daring him to take it off. So he did that with determination and then gently placed it on the night stand. As he walked through the kitchen, suitcase heavy as it followed him from behind, something on the dining table caught his eyes and he walked towards it and picked out the stray piece of paper.

“I’m sorry Baek. Please don’t leave…I promise I’ll make everything right.”

Baekhyun laughed as he crumpled it and placed it there again. What’s there to fix? There’s nothing to fix when everything’s beyond broken. 

He didn’t look back when he walked out the front door.

                                                              ==================================================

When Chanyeol walked in everything was dark. He had broken off with Joohyun. She had a fit and tried to make him stay but Chanyeol knew better. He didn’t love her, he realized it was just a left-over feeling he had because he was head-over-heels for her back. They never had proper closure because Joohyun suddenly left without saying goodbye. Chanyeol had thought he wouldn’t be able to fall in love again until he met Baekhyun. He called out his husband’s name tentatively, cautiously as if he already knew that his small husband was not there anymore.

When the flat remained quiet and serene he quickly ran towards the bedroom, heart thumping with fear and nervousness.

“Baek”

No one answered him and he turned on the lights. The room remained the same just as he had left it in the morning, the bed was made, the bathroom door was opened…there was nothing unusual except for the ring lying on the nightstand. His heart was in his throat as he chanted ‘no no no!’ and he whirled around to open the walk-in closet. Baekhyun’s suitcase was gone.

 

Kyungsoo threw a fit at the sight of him when he turned up at their doorstep to ask where his husband was.

“You bastard! I can’t believe I called you my friend”

Chanyeol received all the blows with his head down because he knew how defensive Kyungsoo was of his husband. At least Jongin remained sane as he told him that what he did was very wrong and that he should give Baekhyun some time. He left their apartment with remorse in his heart and a drag in his feet.

Joonmyeon and Yixing also refused to tell where Baekhyun is but they weren’t hostile like Kyungsoo. Not that Chanyeol blamed him because Kyungsoo had every right to be mad at him. They were rather sympathetic and he felt like crying again. He didn’t deserve sympathy. He was a lying cheating husband after all.    

                                                                              =========================================

A week had passed since Baekhyun left. Their flat was quiet always too quiet without Baekhyun’s presence. But the silence was deafening, mocking him, telling him he failed as a husband to Baekhyun, that he was a good for nothing cheater, a liar. He wished he could turn back time but it’s too late now. He couldn’t sleep. Not when there's no warmth from body hugging him at night, not when Baekhyun's side was cold and empty. He should’ve known. He could hear Baekhyun’s unshed tears amongst the white noise, and the sobs he never heard before. How could he neglect someone like Baekhyun?? The man had always been there for him, never hoping or expecting anything back for his love. /p>

Baekhyun’s scent still lingered on his side, on the sheets, on his pillow, on the duvet and Chanyeol traced the space where his husband used to lay. He considered all the scenarios that could’ve happened if he had just done something differently, if he hadn't been so stupid. But whats done is done and Baekhyun was gone. Baekhyun didn't want him anymore. p align="justify">He got up and put on his clothes and dragged his feet to the nearest bar. He let himself drunk because his husband wasn’t there to tell him that it was enough. He wasn’t there to hold him when he stumbled across the street. He wasn’t there to rub him with his soothing hands when he vomited his guts out into the toilet bowl, he wasn’t there to hold him when he finally passed out on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor.

So that’s how he started coping, with alcohol to make up for the absence of his husband. It was easier during the day when works swarmed up on his desk but when night falls, the demons lurking in the corner would make their appearance. Every time he closed his eyes, he would see Baekhyun’s broken eyes as cried because his husband had failed his duty as his other half. And there were times when he would hear Baekhyun calling out for him in his drunken mind and all he could do was scream out his name.

“Baekhyun…I’m sorry Baek….I’m so sorry..”

So he drank, he drank till he passed out.

One night he drank too much and his body was weak since all he ever consumed was alcohol, apart from occasional meals. He was at a bar, downing bottles after bottles as he ignored the worried glances of the bartender. He passed out at around three in the morning when most of the guests had left. The bartender was worried when he couldn’t wake him up and his skin was freezing. He quickly called 911 and he was barely breathing by the time they reached the hospital. He woke up the next afternoon in the white hospital bed. Jongin and Kyungsoo were there on the chairs near the bed.

_Alcohol Poisoning_

Kyungsoo cried when he woke up and scolded him to stop being stupid and Chanyeol just listened silently as guilt washed over him.

“You fool! You almost killed yourself! How could you be so stupid!”

“Calm down Soo…”

Jongin said as he rubbed his husband’s back soothingly just like Baekhyun used to do when Chanyeol was angry.

_Baekhyun_

“I miss him so much…. I can’t live without him..”

Chanyeol cried out, his hands covering his face. He’s really a mess, pathetic even but he didn’t know what to do. Kyungsoo hugged him as they cried together.

“I know what I did was wrong but he can’t do this to me..I-I can’t breathe without him Soo…”

He wheezed out as the lump in his throat grew bigger and bigger.

“I don’t want to go home if he’s not there…. He should be here….at least to tell me he hates me…”

“I know Chanyeol…but this isn’t the right way to cope. You want him back right?”

Chanyeol nodded because he wanted Baekhyun back with all his heart.

“Then start cleaning up your acts. Make yourself worthy of Baekhyun again…because this isn’t going to bring him back..”

 

Chanyeol was released the next day and he took Kyungsoo’s advice to heart. If Baekhyun wanted time, he would give it to him. He knew what he did was nonredeemable, but he could start over. He hoped they could start over. He wanted to prove himself worthy again.

So he started by cleaning the entire flat, all the alcohol he had stocked was poured down the drain. He moved their bed near the window and changed the shower curtain. He lay in bed every night hugging Baekhyun’s pillow tightly and he couldn’t sleep on his side anymore. At night when he couldn’t sleep, he thought about Baekhyun and their happy times together but that always ended up with the cruel reality of how it had ended, how he stomped on the love that Baekhyun handed to him whole-heartedly and before he knew it, he’d end up heaving as he felt his heart ripped apart in two for being such a disappointment. Maybe he should just live like this untill he died. He knew he deserved nothing else because the pain Baekhyun must've felt must must be ten times more than what he was feeling right now. Baekhyun left because he cheated, so at least he had the right to leave. p>

It took him a few months to get used to his husband’s absence but who was he kidding? He could never get used to this when he spotted Baekhyun’s wedding ring lying on top of the dresser. Somehow that’s oddly calming in some way because he knew it had once adorned his missing husband’s beautiful finger, that he belonged to Baekhyun at some point. The divorce paper still lay on top of the cabinet. But there was only one signature because Chanyeol would never sign it; he would never let Baekhyun go even if he wasn’t by his side.

One day he was cleaning the closet and he found a shoe-box Baekhyun had kept in the corner. Chanyeol had forgotten all about it. With bated breath, he opened the box to see what was inside. Photo Albums, their wedding invitation, polariods from back when they were still in university. There was a CD at the bottom and Chanyeol took it out.

“To Chan from Baek”

It was a collection of Baekhyun’s favorite songs that he mixed in a C.D for Chanyeol’s 22nd birthday. Slowly he walked towards his laptop placed on the study table and pressed play. With a heavy heart he listened to the songs one by one as he sat on the bedroom floor. He could feel his tears welling up but he tried to force them down, but when ‘Original Sin’ by Elton John sounded through the player he lost it. The memories came crashing back like a tidal wave and shook Chanyeol to the core.

_It was their wedding night and their family had reserved a fancy hotel in Jeju for them. While he was waiting for Baekhyun to finish taking a shower, he started playing songs on his hand phone. ‘Original Sin’ came on just when Baekhyun walked out from the shower. Chanyeol feeling giddy with excitement had asked his husband for a dance._

_“Why”_

_“Married couples always have their first dance to their favorite song. I’ve seen them on Hollywood movies”_

_“But this is not a Hollywood movie”_

_Baekhyun had whined but Chanyeol could see the pink on his husband’s cheeks as he took his hand._

_“Then pretend we’re in one”_

Chanyeol could see themselves slow dancing to the song. He remembered how happy he was getting married to the love of his life, how they couldn’t stop smiling when they made love that night. But now all of them were distant memories he didn’t want to forget. With a clogging throat and tears-filled eyes he slowly got up and pressed the stop button. He knew he was the one at fault, the one who brought this upon himself but would it be so wrong to hope for something different?

_“Do you think things will ever change in the future?”_

_Baekhyun asked as Chanyeol wrapped his small body with his arms, both contented after their intense love-making._

_“Not for me and you”_

_He replied after pecking the smaller’s pink lips._

But that was before he realized how much he had to lose.

                                                                                                 =============================

 

The next day he gathered up enough courage and drove to the Byun’s residence to beg for forgiveness. The Byun’s had always been kind-hearted, just like their youngest son and Chanyeol cried in front of them. But even they refused to tell him where their son was.

“He’ll come back when he’s ready”

Mrs. Byun told him as he hugged him goodbye and Chanyeol wished Baekhyun would be soon, otherwise he would die from heartbreak.

But Baekhyun was never ready. He never came back and Chanyeol continued to wait for him. When the forth month passed after Baekhyun left, Chanyeol thought he was keeping himself together quite well and maybe his friends thought so too because Jongin called him for a drink one night and they went together at a bar they frequented. Jongin wasn’t surprised when Chanyeol ordered a can of Heineken and he smiled and did the same.

“Baekhyun is in Japan”

He simply said after taking the first sip and Chanyeol whipped his head towards his friend. Jongin was nonchalantly texting something on his phone and then Chanyeol’s phone beeped, indicating a message.

“So I just texted you his office address and home address…You know what to do..”

But Chanyeol was scared.

“What if he doesn’t want to see me?”

He murmured and Jongin sighed.

“Maybe he does…maybe he doesn’t but I know you do Yeol…we all know you do..”

 

The next thing he knew Chanyeol was on a flight to Tokyo. He didn’t even check into a hotel and went straight to Baekhyun’s office address. It was 2 in the afternoon and he thought Baekhyun should be out for lunch. He waited outside of the office, legs jittery with nerves. Maybe this was a bad idea, Baekhyun hadn’t comeback yet so it was clear he wasn’t ready. He wanted to turn around and catch a cab back to the airport but he clenched and jaw and braven himself. Baekhyun was worth everything.

Fifteen minutes had passed since he stood in his position and he craned his neck again and his eyes fell on a short figure walking towards the office with a taller one laughing beside him. Chanyeol didn’t miss the way the taller one had his hand on Baekhyun’s arm. He wanted to look away but he couldn’t. He saw the way Baekhyun sucked in a breath when he spotted him and slowly and cautiously he walked towards his missing husband who stayed rooted in his position. “Baek” He called out his name when he reached him and Baekhyun whispered to the other guy.

“Sehun go in first and I’ll see you soon”

The guy nodded as he squeezed Baekhyun’s arm. He threw a glance at Chanyeol before he walked into the office. They settled in a café opposite to the office and Baekhyun ordered iced tea for both of them.

“Baekhyun…please come back to me

” Chanyeol rapsed out after the waitress left their table. Baekhyun’s gaze was unwavering as he whispered ‘I can’t’. Chanyeol would’ve begged and cried if it wasn’t for the look on Baekhyun’s face that told him that he had made his decision.

“Go home Chanyeol”

Baekhyun muttered as he got up from his position.

“And sign the divorce paper”

Chanyeol’s heart shattered into pieces when he heard the smaller’s words. It was cruel how Baekhyun simply said that with a foreign tone, as if he had nothing more to do with Chanyeol. But how could he blame him when everything was his fault in the first place.

“I will….but not because I want you out of my life..”

He paused as he wiped a stray tear coming down on his right cheek. The rest were forced down to where they belonged.

“I will do it if that’s what you want”

He choked out. Baekhyun didn’t say anything and walked out of the café. The divorce process was simple. Baekhyun didn’t come. Only his lawyer was present because Baekhyun didn’t want anything from Chanyeol. When the divorce paper was approved by the judge, the meeting was adjourned.

Chanyeol walked out of the court and the sun was shining so brightly. He thought the sun was meaningless because the light in his life went out.

His life became monotonous after that. It was always either work or home. There wasn’t much to do at home, just eating, sleeping and simply wasting time on his video games. Out of all the things that had happened, the sight of Baekhyun when he last saw him, that stony gaze in his eyes and the icy tone he had used for Chanyeol was one of the most heart-breaking experiences for him. The mere thought of Baekhyun falling out of love with him was a cruel reality but not unacceptable. Joohyun had asked for a transfer much to his relief because seeing her in the office would always remind him of how much of a failure he was to Baekhyun. There were days when he hung with Kyungsoo and Jongin and some nights were spent playing poker with Yixing and Joonmyeon. Baekhyun’s CD was played every night until he’d fall asleep. There was no way for him to contact Baekhyun as the smaller changed his number as soon as he walked away from his life. But Chanyeol wanted to remind his ex-husband how happy they were before, that he was still waiting for him.   

                                                                                               ==============================

Baekhyun received a package two months after their divorce. He didn’t give much thought and simply tore it open. Inside was a photo, their wedding photo to be exact and a CD. He traced the photo with a delicate finger and then turned it over.

‘I’m sorry…Baek…Please come back’

Was simply written in Chanyeol’s handwriting at the back. His heart hammered in his chest as he opened the C.D. It was his gift to Chanyeol, a collection of his favorite songs and with shaking legs he walked towards the living room and placed it on the player.

_“Even if it’s a really Black night…._

_Wear your Black glasses_

_Even if I can’t see anything it’s okay_

_Because all I want to do is cry_

_The one I really loved left me._

_Yes, the one who’s crying inside my heart._

_I love you and I’m crying too._

_I miss you; I want to see you so much I’d rather just die._

_I am Sorry and even though I couldn’t treat you well,_

_I’ll love you till we go our separate ways_

_Please become a happy person”_

All the feelings came down like an avalanche and it hit him because he knew he could never stop loving Chanyeol. The first tear fell and then the rest followed like a broken dam as he wept into his hands. He had thought he was done being caught in the middle, between wanting to try and setting Chanyeol free. After all, he already signed the papers didn’t he?

**31st December**

It had almost been a year since they officially divorced but not a single day had gone by without a thought of his now ex-husband. The air was cold nipping his skin which was not covered by his thick clothes as he climbed out of the cab. He hummed a tune as he rode the elevator up to the ninth floor, to Joonmyeon and Yixing’s apartment where the couple was throwing a big New Year ’s Eve Party.

“You’re late”

Kyungsoo pointed at him with an accusing finger as soon as he walked into the flat. There was no malice in his tone and his eyes were rather mischievous, glinting under the bright lights. It was true he was late. He had dinner at his parent’s house and it was already 9:30 when his mother finally let him go. He shook his head and smiled at his friend. “It’s only 10 and you’re already drunk Soo…”

“Hey you’re here”

Joonmyeon came and enveloped him in a bear hug while Kyungsoo pouted beside him.

“I don’t remember receiving a hug hyung..Are you playing favorites now?”

Kyungsoo said and Chanyeol just laughed.

“Maybe because I’m not a pouty drunk like you”

Kyungsoo stuck out his tongue at him.

“Whatever….There’s something I was going to tell you but since you’re being a meanie…I’ll just let you find out by yourself”

He said as he turned to walk in the living room, that mischievous glint back in his eyes.

“Are you pregnant?”

Chanyeol called out but was replied by only a middle finger and he laughed again. Chanyeol looked around, there weren’t that many people and he guessed that the hosts must have invited only their closest friends. He took a beer from the table and marched towards the living and settled himself on the chair near the windows. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard a familiar laughter coming from his side. He whipped his head towards the sound, heart already thumping on his chest because he never expected to hear that sound again.

Chanyeol thought the earth stopped moving when Baekhyun’s eyes caught his. He didn’t know who was the one taking the steps first but he soon was found himself face to face with the smaller. He tried to compose himself as much as he could even though every nerve in his body was jittering inside. “Hey” He said with a polite tone and when Baekhyun smiled warmly at him, his nervousness slowly dissipated.

“Hey Chanyeol”

Baekhyun still sounded the same after all this time. His eyes were still the same dark-brown color that he loved so much, the little mole above his lips which he remembered kissing more than he could count was also still there. The only difference was that his hair was now a light brown color from his usual black and his cheeks were a little sunken showing that he had lost some weight too. Byun Baekhyun was still so beautiful. The air was filled with unfathomable awkwardness as they exchanged polite pleasantries. Chanyeol had prepared so many speeches in his mind if he ever met Baekhyun again. But all the words were lost in his tongue now that Baekhyun actually stood in front of him.

“Ah….I see you guys have met…This is the surprise I was talking about”

Kyungsoo stumbled upon them with a drunken giggle, making both of them sighed.

“You’re drunk Kyungja”

“Am not Byun Baek”

Joonmyeon choose that time to call Baekhyun into the kitchen and Chanyeol didn’t want him to go. He still had so much to say yet he waved him off with a reluctant ‘I’ll see you later’ But Chanyeol didn’t see him for the rest of the party. After they counted down the New Year and glasses of Champagne were shared among the guests, they started leaving one by one.

Chanyeol sighed as he crouched down to pick up some of the beer bottles scattered on the floor thinking that Baekhyun had left too. He gasped in surprise when his ex-husband crouched down opposite to him and started picking up the empty bottles without a word. Chanyeol couldn’t help but smile inwardly. Baekhyun still did things to his heart after everything that had happened between them. He never thought they would meet again like this, cleaning bottles together on New Year’s day. There were the remnants of party poppers, paper cups and even party hats on the floor. It was a mess and he suspected his mind might’ve been too because he blurted out ‘would you like to have a drink with me?’ He regretted the moment when he saw the surprise look on Baekhyun’s face.

Maybe he shouldn’t do this.

“Umm…never mind”

He coughed, flustered.

“Yah…you two go home. Myeon and I will clean up tomorrow…”

Chanyeol was silently thanking Yixing for interrupting the moment.

“Baek do you need someone to drive you? Jongin and Kyungsoo left because Soo was too drunk…Or you can just sleep here?”

Yixing offered being the nice Hyung that he was. So Baekhyun was staying with Jongin and Soo. He could feel Baekhyun’s gaze on him but he didn’t dare to look up.

“Actually Yeol and I are going for a drink..”

Chanyeol whipped his head up in surprise while Yixing smiled at them.

“Okay”

He chirped brightly.

The ride back to their apartment was quiet. They were both sat inside a taxi as Chanyeol didn’t bring his car. There was still an impenetrable amount of awkwardness in the air and Chanyeol could feel Baekhyun shifting uncomfortably on his seat. When he turned to look at Baekhyun, the other looked so small, so out of place beside him that Chanyeol took his hand and squeezed it twice. He thought it was worth the courage when Baekhyun smiled at him.

"Ahhh...it still looks the same"

Baekhyun commented when he entered the familiar flat. He knew Chanyeol still lived in their once shared home. Chanyeol quickly took out a bottle of wine and two wine glasses and placed them on the coffee table when Baekhyun took his seat on the couch.

"Ooohhh...fancy"

Baekhyun said when he saw the items and Chanyeol just laughed. The air shifted from intense to relaxing in a few minutes and they both chatted excitedly about their jobs and their families. When they're both slightly tipsy from the wine, Chanyeol whipped out his phone and scrolled through his music player. He stopped at what he was looking for and pressed play. When Elton John's 'Original song filled the air, Baekhyun gasped in surprise and then smiled.

"You still remember"

Chanyeol smiled back.

"Of course i do....May I?"

He bowed with a theatrical gesture and Baekhyun laughed and shook his head but still gave in to the awaiting hands. They laughed as they danced to the familiar song which brought back so many good memories made by just the two of them. 

_"Tell me how, you know now,_

_the ways and means of getting in underneath my skin._

_Oh you were always my original sin._

_Tell me why i shudder inside,_

_every time we begin this dangerous game_

_Oh you were always my original sin"_

Chanyeol didn't know who leaned in first but when their lips touched, he came alive again. He was yearning for this, yearning for Baekhyun, yearning to touch him, yearning to feel his soft lips again. Baekhyun might've felt the same way too because when Chanyeol gave a tentative lick on his lower lip, he opened his mouth and let the slick muscle inside his warmth. They stayed like that, bodies pressed together, creating a delicious heat. Baekhyun had his hands in Chanyeol’s hair and Chanyeol’s were wrapped tightly around his waist, both their mouths fitting around each other perfectly as if they were never apart in the first place. They broke apart when they needed air and the gaze they held out to each other was full of longing, full of desperate pleading.

“Yeol”

The smaller rasped out, thin lips brushing against Chanyeol’s thicker ones and Chanyeol leaned forward and kissed him hard again. They danced their way into the bedroom, mouth still sucking hungrily at each other.

Chanyeol halted when Baekhyun was in the middle of unzipping his pants.

"Wait Baek"

"What-"

Baekhyun looked up.

"Are you still with Sehun? Because if so we-"

Baekhyun cut him off with his lips.

"We went out only a few times…we’re never serious… "

He said as he started kissing down Canyeol’s jaw. Chanyeol was cut off by the same aggressive kiss when he opened his mouth again to say something.

“Let’s talk later….Because I want you right now…”

And who was Chanyeol to deny such request for someone he had yearned for so long. Clothes were strewn across the rooms and moans and gasps and filled the chilly New Year morning. Chanyeol thought he could burst when he settled himself inside Baekhyun. It wasn’t enough when his three fingers were inside Baekhyun, it wasn’t enough when Baekhyun kissed his neck while rubbing his cock. It wasn’t enough when he ate Baekhyun out, his mouth sucking and licking the puckered hole.

‘This is it’ he thought as he moved slowly inside the warmness, the tight hole sucking and pulling him in. If one could die of pleasure, Chanyeol thought he would soon.

“Harder Yeol…harder”

Baekhyun moaned out and when he looked down at the sight of the man he loved with all his heart, the twinkle in his eyes, the pink tinting his cheeks and neck and the bite marks on his skin peering at him, daring him to comply and Chanyeol growled as he pummeled inside the slick hole. They moved together in sync, building a sweet rhythm as they chased their orgasm together. They both moaned out each other’s name when they reached their peak, as if they’re longing to do that all this time. Maybe they were, when two hearts burn with such passion. After Chanyeol shoot his seed inside Baekhyun he collapsed on top of him, the smaller’s cum sticky and warm between their skin. He placed a lingering kiss on his lips before he rolled to the side. Baekhyun snuggled up to him.

“So I guess we should talk now”

The smaller croaked out and Chanyeol nodded as he ran his fingers through the smaller’s soft brown locks.

“I want you back Baek…”

“I know”

Chanyeol sighed as he rubbed his cheeks on Baekhyun’s head. He missed this so much, the soft skin, the sweet smell and everything that’s just so Byun Baekhyun.

“God I want you so much Baek….You have no idea…”

“I know Yeol…”

Baekhyun muttered.

“I know all about it…I know you’re trying….Kyungsoo always updated me on you and- and I know you’ve met my parents too…”

“Can you give me another chance Baek….Can you please come back to me…”

Chanyeol whispered his tone pleading and sincere.

“I-I don’t know Yeol…a lot of things happened… You’ve changed…I’ve changed…” Baekhyun said after releasing a shaky breath.

“You hurt me Yeol…You hurt me so much that I thought I was never gonna recover from it…”

Chanyeol could feel his tears brimming up and he swallowed a whimper because it was the truth. Everything was his fault and it was wrong for him to push Baekhyun like this. But was it so wrong to at least try?

“I know…everything’s my fault. I’m so sorry I was stupid…I’m sorry I hurt you like that…I’m sorry I broke you when all you did was love me…”

Soft sobs filled the room as they cried for the love they had lost along the way. They just held each other tightly, because they both knew things aren’t going to be like this when morning comes.

Baekhyun’s flight back to Tokyo was in the afternoon. They both ate breakfast on the table together, just like they used to before. Not many words were exchanged and Chanyeol felt like Baekhyun was building up walls again and there was nothing he could do other than letting him go because who was he to make him stay if he doesn’t want to? There were a few questions itching at the back of his mind and he willed himself not to cry as he followed Baekhyun towards the door. But he needed to ask him, even if he didn’t get the answer he wanted, even if he didn’t get any answer at all.

“Baek-“

He said as he stopped Baekhyun’s hand from reaching the door knob.

“Baek…Do you still love me?”

Baekhyun looked up at him with wide eyes, clearly shocked by the suddenness of the question. He didn’t answer and just kept his gaze on the ground. Chanyeol’s heart was hammering in his chest and he released a shaky breath.

“It’s okay if you don’t Baek…”

He said chuckling, trying to ease the tension but failed.

“One last thing…”

“Chanyeol please don’t-“

Baekhyun protested weakly.

“Just one last thing…Do you ever regret marrying me..?”

Baekhyun looked up with sad droopy eyes and Chanyeol thought he got the answer and he knew he deserved it. Their moment was interrupted by a ring tone from Baekhyun’s phone. It was Kyungsoo who ordered him to hurry up and Baekhyun pocketed his phone, heaving a sigh.

“I guess this is it then…”

Chanyeol said as Baekhyun turned to face. The smaller nodded grimly and Chanyeol braved himself to have at least a goodbye hug. He savored the moment even though it lasted only for a few seconds and then Baekhyun walked out the door. He blinked once, twice and then ran and grabbed the smaller by the arm.

“Baek..”

He whispered as he slid down his hand from the smaller’s arm and resorted to holding the soft warm hands.

“I’ll wait for you until you’re ready…”

Baekhyun smiled wistfully at him.

“But what if I never was…”

“Then I’ll wait forever..”

Chanyeol had never been so sure before. The smaller nodded and stood on his tippy toes and placed a chaste peck on the corner of his mouth. Chanyeol watched as Baekhyun walked out of his life for the third time.

                                                                           ===============================

The next few months were spent wondering and wishing. There were days when he had his doubt, days when he thought maybe he was meant to be alone. But if that was in the cause of Baekhyun’s happiness, he’d happily accept it. Because he was sure he wanted no one but Baekhyun.

His wish was granted true. On the third month after he watched Baekhyun walked out from the house, he received a text from an unknown number. He was casually standing near the bedroom window lost in his thoughts; he swiped it open without giving much attention. He nearly dropped his phone in surprise when he saw the content. A picture appeared first and when he clicked on it, it was a photo of a plane ticket and he didn’t miss the thumb holding one corner of the ticket. There was a beauty mark he remembered kissing several times and he scrolled down with bated breath, his heartbeat ringing loudly in his ears.

_“If I could go back and do it all over again,_

_I’d still choose you because I don’t want to live without you._

_Tokyo-Seoul, Korean Air, flight no.17,. 13:00Pm._

_I’m still very much in love with you.”_


End file.
